For me lately though, it's when people ask me "How are you?" and they are people who I know for a fact genuinely care about how I am that I find myself at a loss with what to say. I mean, I am good. I'm fine. I'm good, maybe not great. But I'm good. Do you believe me yet?
I'm not really struggling other than with myself. I just feel a bit purposeless. I've had this feeling before and it goes away usually but it's kind of lingering lately. I love spending time with my kids, being home is a huge blessing and I'm grateful that I am able to take care of them myself. And yet...
When a person I love asks me how I'm doing, I want to be able to respond and tell them about me. About what is happening in my life. The problem is, there isn't a lot going on in my life. Most of the time, my life is what is happening to my kids' lives. Which is probably true of a lot of parents who stay home with their kids during the day.
It drives me nuts when I feel like people only care about me because of my children. I would like for them to care about my kids, don't get me wrong, but I would also like them to care about me. ME. Lisa. One of the biggest places I experience this is social media. If I post a picture of my kids, I generally get about twice as many responses as I do if I just say something about myself. So I don't post on social media that much because, frankly, I feel like nobody cares.
So the question is, how am I?
Well, I wish I had more to do. Maybe a job would be good, although I kind of hate the idea of just working for working's sake. I would love to do something that makes me feel like I am making a contribution to the world.
My kids do need me. But they need me less and less as they grow. Which is awesome and sad at the same time.
It's okay. I really don't have any room to complain. My life really is good. Enough about me. How are you?
I agree. The query "How are you" much of the time has little or no depth of meaning. People who really know you, already understand some of the frustrations and trials you are dealing with and often inquire sincerely in the only way they know how.
ReplyDeleteYou are wrong, I think, in regard to friends only being interested in you because of your children. You get more comments and interest when posting about them because they are such great and fun children, but also because they are such a great reflection of you. They are who they are because of who you are.
You could find a job, go to work every day, and still have all the same feelings you are wrestling with right now. Your Padre recommends finding someone to serve. It will change how you are feeling about your life with the added benefit of blessing someone else.
By the way; I am fine.
I really like this post, Lisa. And I can relate. Now that I don't work I feel like I don't have a lot to offer in terms of conversation other than talking about kids. When Tyler asks me about my day I always have stories to tell him about the kids, but I never have interesting discussions to bring up like I used to when I was "out in the world". I don't have any solution for you, just wanted you to know that you're not alone. And I like seeing what you're up to, not just your kid :) Even though your kids are super cute and you were right when you told me having two girls is super fun, because it totally is!
ReplyDeleteYou have such a way of putting things! In my "season" now, I don't feel like I have much to contribute on social media either. And I definitely agree with you about just working for the sake of working. Unless it's a fiscal necessity, it doesn't improve things.
ReplyDeleteSo don't work for the sake of work. Work is what you make it. If you work with a purpose any job can be rewarding. Sometimes that reward is as simple as a break from the norm and responsibilities that aren't child related. Those mental breaks are necessary, even if it isn't fiscally required of you.
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