I've said in other spaces that we had a particularly rough year here at the Guzman house. Those rough times were mixed in with some bright spots that were really high points. So here it goes, all the highs and lows listed out in one post. I think alternating highs and lows will break up the unfortunate parts a bit and make my memory of the last year seem less depressing.
I'll start with the lowest low, which was the death of my Gram, which I blogged about here. It happened right at the beginning of the year, and put a damper on many moments throughout the year. We miss her a lot.
The highest of highs was Mara joining our family. We have been unbelievably blessed with this beautiful little person who just feels like she's been here all along, she fits so seamlessly. She was born September 17th after a relatively easy labor and birth. After my traumatic experience with Monroe's birth, we were definitely grateful that things worked out so well this time. Don't get me wrong, labor suuuuuuuccccks. It's super painful and recovering is almost as bad because it takes so long, but compared to last time we had a much better experience. We almost didn't make it in time for me to have an epidural (I was in labor all day but we waited until after work to head to the hospital) and if that had happened the labor would've been included as a low for me. Luckily we did make it. Although, funny thing, both of my kids have been born face up. Maybe it's the way my uterus is shaped or something, I don't know, but it's strange that it happened both times. My lovely stargazers.
I know it's super selfish to include this as a low, but this is my experience and I can't lie about it. I hate being pregnant, so a low for me was the pregnancy part, although this time there was some added stress that I didn't share with anyone but family. At our 20 week ultrasound we went together and were annoyingly unable to see whether or not it was a boy or a girl, but that lack of information became secondary at my follow-up appointment when my doctor informed me that there was a spot on the baby's heart that could possible be a blockage. He said that since the baby was growing normally they weren't too worried but worst case scenario she might need surgery after she was born. I was able to stay calm in that moment but I called Hondo and started crying when I told him. I had never even imagined that there could be something wrong with our baby and needless to say it caused some more emotional stress and nervousness. Anyway, after a follow up ultrasound at 24 weeks and another at 30 weeks, we were finally told that her heart looked fine but that it was a soft marker for down syndrome. So we met with a genetic counselor to discuss that possibility.
I want to be clear on this: if Mara had been born with an extra chromosome, I know it would be nothing but a blessing in our lives. I was nervous but okay with that possibility because I know that we would handle it wonderfully and that no matter what, our happiness would have increased the same amount as it has with Mara being born without that genetic alternative. So obviously, God did not see fit to bless us with a child with downs syndrome at this time. We were blessed with Mara, which after the stress and semi-eventful pregnancy, was and is awesome.
Another big high for us this year was lots and lots of family time and fun family trips. Starting in March, Hondo and I got to go to California to celebrate our 2nd anniversary, which I actually blooged about here. Then in May Monroe and I got to go with Holly to Nashville to visit Stef for her birthday and for a really fantastic visit, which I shared here. <---- that post also includes our trip to Denver to see John Mayer at Red Rocks, which was our last trip before Mara was born and an all around good time.
Low point? My sweet dog Lizzie had to be put down after we found out she had bone cancer. Lizzie was quite possible the best dog we ever had and it was heartbreaking. She loved loved loved Mo and Mo loved her and still looks at pictures of her on my phone and says, "It's Lizzie!" which I love and hurts all at the same time.
High point--Kelli's wedding, which was so fun for many reasons but mainly because our whole family was together for the wedding and celebratory events leading up to and after the ceremony. We had a lot of fun playing and planning and celebrating that joyful occasion. It's kind of weird to think we're all married now, but at the same time not because every person in our family, whether biological or in-law, feels like they belong. Which I love.
Low--Hondo's job has been kind of...frustrating this year. After a company merge/investor deal, he's been dealing with some of the office politics and changes that come along with that and it's been hard on him and us.
High--I've been home with Mo for over a year and I see how she has blossomed and grown and been so happy to be with me, which makes me happy. This is especially been a blessing seeing as I am going to be going back to work soon. I'm glad we had this time together. She is my favorite.
Low--which maybe I shouldn't share but I'm going to anyway. I had a dear friend who I have been close with for the past 5-6 years tell me that she had cancer and she only had 6 months to live. As you can imagine, this was really difficult to handle and many conversations and tears were shared in the following months. Turns out, she made it all up and didn't really have cancer.
This experience has been really difficult. I am an extremely honest person and apparently to my own detriment believe that those people who I love and let in to my life are being honest with me, so it has been a harsh reality to discover that that isn't always the case. It has led me to question every interaction I've ever had with this person, which sucks because we've had some fun times together and I feel like everything is tainted with betrayal. I believe that many of the fantastic stories she has told me over the years are all false and I hate that. I am still trying to remember that the bad doesn't have to outweigh the good but it is hard. I am also trying to remember that this issue comes from what I can only believe is a disorder, and that she couldn't help herself.
To this person, if you are reading--I love you. I have trusted you with many things over these years and I hope that you have felt that you could trust me. I am here and willing to help you get the help you so desperately need to overcome this, which is something I truly believe you can change and get control over, but not on your own. When you are ready to seek counseling, I will support you. Until then, please, please try to remember that your actions can and do affect and effect those around you. I wish you the best.
High--new friends. In December of 2012 there was a uneventful "event" where a blogger that I follow encouraged the women in the LDS church to wear pants to church on one particular Sunday, to show that we stand in solidarity with each other and that there is a place for women who feel left out or marginalized by the Church for any reason. The media got wind and there was quite the fallout afterwards, which was both heartbreaking to witness and liberating for many. I wore pants to church that day, and in doing so met my new amazing friend Lamia, who also wore pants. Hondo and I have been enormously blessed to get to know Lamia and her husband, Matt, who would both probably be so embarrassed at my mentioning them because they are super quiet and reserved. But I knew when I saw Lamia that day that we were kindred spirits, and I was not wrong. I am so happy to have a friend close by who I can talk to about all sorts of things and feel like I won't be judged for my opinions or beliefs. We love you guys! Thanks for being our friends!
Of course, there are many more ups and downs from the year that could and would take hours to list. We were really ready for 2013 to end and for 2014 to begin. It's already looking like a lot of changes will be happening in our little family this year, which we are looking forward to. Uncertainty is hard, but we have weathered most of the storms to the best of our ability and I believe have grown and will continue to grow as we move forward. We've been discussing goals that we have for this year, where we want to be and what we want to accomplish as individuals and as a family, and I think we're on a great track starting out.
Maybe I'll blog more this year even. Maybe like...6 or 7 times. That'd be an improvement!
Happy New Year everyone!
